Everyday Ordinary

2011-11-15T03:40:00.000-08:00

I wanted to take a few moments to thank everyone for their kindness these past few weeks. It's great to know that I have such loving, caring people in my life.

Thank you all so very, very much.

2011-11-06T04:22:00.000-08:00

I'm going against whatever judgment I have at this point to tell you part of my story.

I've been diagnosed with clinical depression this year. I've experienced symptoms of depression for over 20 years, but only recently have I sought medical help and therapy. I've tried a few different medications with varying degrees of success and have been seeing a counselor for the past few months, who has been very great. If you're considering seeing a therapist even for a few sessions, I'd recommend it. You may be looking for a few techniques to handle certain situations, coping skills to deal with anxiety or stress, or you may be looking for insight into why you see life through the lens you currently use. A good therapist can help with any or all of these in an environment without judgment while still holding you accountable to yourself.

During the last five or so years, I've tried most of what people suggest for situations like mine: exercise, positive self-talk, motivational books/podcasts, spiritual guidance, and plain old "suck it up and pull yourself up by your boot straps." I found temporary success in all of these options, but as time went on nothing really stuck. It was frustrating and I was difficult to live with. My work performance has suffered at times. There were periods where I didn't know what kind of employee I really was, what kind of husband I really was, what kind of friend I really was, or in the last few years what kind of father I really was. I isolated myself as far as my emotions were concerned and put on a happy face in public. This is a skill that I've honed over 20 years and it works on nearly everyone, including everyone in my family. Perhaps it works too well.

Of my own volition, I admitted myself to the hospital on Halloween of 2011. I've had suicidal ideations for years, but nothing progressed beyond that. In the last few weeks, ideations had turned into intent and intent had turned into planning. Then planning turned into a course of action and it was at that point that I decided to go to the hospital. At that point I felt that I had two options: suicide or the hospital. There was a little bit of light with the hospital option so I chose that one.

I arrived at the hospital at around six p.m. and was admitted to the adult psychiatric unit at a little after eight p.m., because at that point things were still mostly in my control and it took several minutes for me to make my decision. How much control was I willing to give up? I won't bore anyone with hospital talk, but I learned some important things about myself during that experience even though the treatment wasn't as helpful as I had hoped.

On Thursday, November 3rd I began what is called partial hospitalization treatment. It's basically an all-day outpatient therapy option. I'm in a session with about eight other people, all with unique problems and situations. I've learned something from every session, even though they're not all geared toward my own situation.

Last night and today, I'm struggling to accept that I have depression and anxiety disorder and what it can ultimately do to me. I know that it can bring me to the brink. I also know that I've experienced the symptoms for the last 20 years so this is not temporary and may follow me throughout my entire life. It was a bit easier to accept before I knew what to call it, when I thought it was just who I was. I didn't know any other experience, but now I know that there are perfectly happy and productive people out there that may not know what this feels like to the extent that I do. It's unfair.

It's unfair that I'll have to struggle with and manage this for another forty or fifty years. It's unfair that I may need to change medications an unknown number of times and deal with the side effects while wondering if it will "work." If anything will work. Now that I'm on medication to regulate my brain chemistry I'm supposed to try all of the techniques that I tried before again to find those that help me cope.

Jesus. Christ.

Running.

Deep breathing.

Therapy.

Medication.

The power of positive thinking.

Relaxation techniques.

Spiritual development.

Meditation.

All over again, this time with two kids and a marriage that needs work. I have no idea how good I'm supposed to feel if or when this works. I guess I'll find out.

Shoulds

2011-09-05T08:03:00.000-07:00

The idea of getting passed over for a position because I don't have a couple more years of irrelevant education should make me more determined to complete that two years of irrelevant education, but it does not in this case. If that degree is so crucial, put someone with no experience and a bachelor's degree in that position without training them and see how they do. Then put me in that position without training and see who performs better.

My Father's House - Bruce Springsteen

2011-09-04T03:36:00.000-07:00

Forgive the camera operator. This is from 20 years ago and he's trying to record using a video camera and without being noticed. It's worth it for the story and song.

School

2011-09-02T19:47:00.001-07:00

For the past year or so, I've been taking classes toward my undergraduate degree in political science. I imagine it will take me another four to six years to graduate. I have an associate degree in business, but I wish I would have gotten it over with when i was in my early 20s.

I guess I was kind of dumb. Part of me would like to punch 18 year old me in the face. Not having a bachelor's degree might prove to be problematic for my short term goals.

NaBloPoMo or NAMBLA for short

2011-09-01T21:43:00.000-07:00

Apparently I'm someone who does things like daily blog posts now, because here I am starting this National Blog Posting Month with 16 or so minutes left on the first day. If I don't publish until after the end of the first day, I won't be surprised if I'm disqualified by some sanctioning body that judges these things. It might be a bit like entering a chili competition in Texas and putting beans in your chili. It won't pass the sanctioning body if there's filler in that there chili, son.

This month's theme is about returning or turning again, so we're going to get real here, people.

Real real. We might update this blog's appearance as well. We might not.

For better or for worse, I will be blogging about my past experiences, I guess.

I wouldn't say that I had an unbearable childhood, there are certainly others who had things far worse than I, but there's a lot that I should be thinking about and accepting. I'm not really sure what "acceptance" is, but I'm pretty sure that I've done it. Whether that was accomplished subconsciously, actively or by Grace I do not know.

I'm pretty sure that I've accepted things like my brother's death. That happened 20 years ago this week. It made me sad to think about when it occurred to me on Monday but I've acknowledged that his lifestyle and choices led to his premature death.

Maybe I'll just leave it here for now since I'm not really sure where to go next. Until tomorrow.

30 day song challenge #18

2011-06-08T11:29:00.000-07:00

Day 18: A song you wish you heard on the radio.

On Doubt & Skepticism

2011-05-30T05:12:00.000-07:00

I'm a Christian or at least I fancy myself one. However, I've spent years as an atheist and more years as an agnostic. I wasn't brought up in the church, was never baptized, never went to confirmation, and never read the Bible until my late 20s or early 30s. I doubted. Doubt is uncomfortable.

As I eventually felt the pull toward faith (which I can't really explain, and there may actually be a scientific explanation for), my doubt became even more uncomfortable. It's difficult to come to terms with ideas that many people accept at face value, and part of that may be because of their history in the church. As I learned more and read more perspectives on the subject, I became even more conflicted.

Making a list of things that I've decided that I do or don't believe in would be pretty tedious to write and for you to read, so I'll spare you. What's more important is that I became comfortable in my unbelief of certain things and have found that many of the details of Christianity have become less crucial. Like it or not, many of the details in the Bible are unprovable or are in direct conflict with other details.

What's more important, in my opinion, are the concepts of love and community. By focusing on these truths, I've learned to sit with my doubt and skepticism.

2011-05-26T11:21:00.001-07:00

The man who strikes first admits that his ideas have given out, so make sure you're not the last person to run out of ideas or you risk getting punched in the face.

30 day song challenge #17

2011-05-19T12:12:00.000-07:00

A song you hear often on the radio: "Sportcenter theme" - Annie Roboff

I listen to a bit of ESPN radio and hear this quite often. Lame huh?

30 Day Song Challenge: Day 16

2011-04-30T20:40:00.000-07:00

A song that you used to love but now still love: Loup River Band and Street Choir "Seventeen"

This is technically supposed to be a song that I used to love but now hate. However, we've already done the hate/dislike thing in this challenge so I'm changing it. This is off my old band's last record and it's essentially my friend Jeff Iwanski with his guitar and harmonica. Gorgeous.

My friend Josh was gracious enough to put the song to video.

30 day song challenge #15

2011-04-28T10:28:00.000-07:00

A song that describes you: Blondie "Dreaming"

Embedding for this one has been disabled, but you can listen to it here.

30 Day Song Challenge: Day 14

2011-04-25T20:24:00.000-07:00

A song no one would expect you to love: Public Enemy "He Got Game"

30 Day Song Challenge: Day 13

2011-04-25T20:21:00.000-07:00

A song that is a guilty pleasure: I don't really feel guilty about liking anything. You shouldn't either.

30 Day Song Challenge: Day 12

2011-04-21T04:53:00.000-07:00

A song from a band you hate: Alabama "Song of the South"

I'm sort of a live-and-let-live person when it comes to music, so I can't really say that I hate this band, they're really just not my cup of tea. Actually, they're probably across the street and down a couple blocks from my cup of tea. You might have to click through to watch this on youtube if you want to listen to it. Only a sick, sick person would want to do that though.

30 Day Song Challenge: Day 11

2011-04-20T06:00:00.000-07:00

A song from your favorite band: The Old 97's "Salome"

I don't do the whole "favorite band" thing, but if I did these guys would be right up there.

30 Day Song Challenge: Day 10

2011-04-19T05:04:00.000-07:00

A song that makes you fall asleep: Simon and Garfunkel "America"

30 day song challenge #9

2011-04-18T09:29:00.000-07:00

A song that you can dance to: Something really easy like "The Chicken Dance." And it would have to be played kind of slow so I could keep up.

I've got nothing on Bristol Palin.

30 Day Song Challenge: Day 8

2011-04-16T07:52:00.000-07:00

A song you know all the words to: Gene Hogan "Girls At The Grocery Store"

My friend Jeff said that he wanted a song with the line, "all the girls at the grocery store, man, they look so pretty" in it, and it ended up as the chorus to this one.

I will shamelessly self-promote if I wanna!

30 Day Song Challenge : Day 7

2011-04-15T19:48:00.000-07:00

A song that reminds you of an event: Whiskeytown "Houses on the Hill"

I saw these guys at the Ranch Bowl in Omaha in the late 1990s. I'm not sure of the year, but it was on (a very drunk) Ryan Adams's birthday. They started the show with a Replacements song, and played a few songs before Ryan Adams declared that "it sucked, so we're going to start over." They replayed the Replacements song and when Ryan Adams immediately began the song again, Caitlin Cary stormed off the stage followed by the rest of the band.

Ryan Adams returned a few minutes later telling everyone that "they're pissed because I'm drunk." He then went on to play a 10 minute version of an early song of theirs, making up new words as he went along. I suppose it's a testament to his lyrical ability, because the lyrics weren't terrible. The band eventually joined him onstage and the rest of the show was great. There were two or three acoustic songs (including this one) at the end where Ryan and Caitlin sat on the edge of the stage and played acoustically and without microphones while the crowd gathered around. I had been in front of the stage for most of the show, so I was an arm's length away from them at the end.

Ryan Adams? Three feet away? With his acoustic guitar and fiddle accompaniment? Yep, it happened.

30 Day Song Challenge: Day 6

2011-04-14T06:00:00.000-07:00

A song that reminds you of somewhere: The Cure "Letter to Elise"

The passenger seat of my friend Shannon's car during our senior year of high school.

30 day song challenge #5

2011-04-13T09:11:00.000-07:00

A song that reminds you of someone: The Jayhawks "Blue"

30 day song challenge #4

2011-04-12T09:25:00.000-07:00

A song that makes you sad: Damien Jurado "Lose My Head"

This song makes me a little sad, but it's so, so great.

30 Day Song Challenge: Day 3

2011-04-09T20:38:00.000-07:00

A song that makes you happy: Paul Simon "Graceland"

I heard Paul Simon say that "Graceland" was the greatest song that he ever wrote.

30 Day Song Challenge : Day 2

2011-04-09T06:00:00.000-07:00

My least favorite song. Just short of nine minutes of hell.

30 Day Song Challenge (or) HALP! I've Been Sucked In!

2011-04-08T04:52:00.000-07:00

Enough of my friends are doing this and it looked like fun. Instead of using Facebook, this seemed like a good use for my (sort of) neglected blog.

Day 1: Your favorite song - Son Volt "Windfall"

The 1995 or so released Trace is my favorite record and this, the first track on the record, is my favorite song. I think it's absolutely perfect. This isn't the album version, but it's pretty dang good.

The Startran Bike Racks

2011-04-07T16:59:00.001-07:00

So the Lincoln city buses installed bike racks on most (and eventually all) of their buses. I was able to test them out and load a bike at UNL's bike event yesterday and today I had the opportunity to use it as part of my daily commute. I rode to work this morning, but the afternoon was pretty rainy and today was one of the days that I had to wear a suit.

When the rain didn't clear by 5:00, I decided to give this a try. Since 100% of the buses don't have the racks installed, there was a slim chance that I would be doing some waiting if the next bus wasn't equipped. Not to worry though, my bus was ready for me. During the last few days, I've noticed that most of the buses actually do have the racks installed and I've actually only seen one or two without them. I'm told that these buses without racks will be decommissioned by the end of the month anyway.

A video demonstration of the racks is included below, and using the racks is every bit as easy as it looks. They are lightweight, so lowering and lifting the rack isn't a problem. The arm that hooks onto the tire looks something like a rubber band in the video, but it's actually a metal, spring-loaded arm that's much sturdier than it looks. Going over bumps and around corners isn't an issue as my bike wobbled only slightly on the way home and never moved out the tire wells. Those that have balked at the cost should know that these racks appear to be well crafted.

The driver was really courteous and friendly about the whole experience. He said that he has only had three users so far, but the weather has been fairly nice this week. With a bit more publicity and if gas prices keep going up (yeesh), they'll likely be used more.

For someone like me who really dislikes driving, the city has added a really attractive commuting option should the weather discourage biking in the morning or afternoon. I will definitely use this again.

Information on the city's page.
Information on the Cycle Works blog.

The Gospel in 3:21

2011-04-05T19:00:00.000-07:00

In terms of how to live and how to treat others, this song sums everything up for me.

Missouri vs. Oklahoma will be a fine Big 12 Championship game

2010-10-18T10:44:00.000-07:00

I think I'm going to pitch a "Red Out Around Your Mom" t-shirt idea to the UNL athletic department, just in case they still think marketing and hype win football games. Stay tuned.

Attorney General Bruning: Administrative Professional's Day An Unfair Burden on Nebraska

2010-03-23T16:03:00.000-07:00

Lincoln, NE - Nebraska Attorney General Jon Bruning announced that he intends to file a lawsuit against the Obama Administration, calling Administrative Professional's Day - formerly known as Secretary's Day - an "unconstitutional and downright scary attempt at redistributing wealth." The unofficial holiday is normally celebrated on the Wednesday of the last full week in April and is sometimes observed by giving notes of appreciation or token gifts to those in the adminstrative or clerical profession.

"It's freakin' crap," Bruning said, "Every year I forget about it and the morning of this 'holiday' I have to stop on my way to work and buy a card or some other bullshit. This year, it's just going to be a normal Thursday or whatever the hell day it's on."

The defendant in the suit is planned to be B. Hussein Obama. When asked where and when the trial would be held, Bruning answered, "I really don't know. I'm not what you'd really call a 'details guy.' I just know that I can't wait to get his ass on the witness stand. He's going to hear it, that's for sure."

Messages sent to B. Hussein Obama's Facebook page seeking comment were not answered.

The Mother and Child Reunion

2009-12-02T10:18:00.000-08:00

Last night at band practice my friend Jeff was talking about how he wrote and sang a song for his grandfather's funeral last week. He said that the previous funeral he sang for was his aunt's. Jeff's voice is in turns warm, lonesome, fragile, reassuring, and is perfect for a song like this one from Paul Simon. He sang this song and strummed his guitar as the mourners gathered outside the vault that held the remains of his aunt's mother. Everyone cried.

Then they placed the remains of his aunt's body alongside those of her mother and sealed them away.

Eggo

2009-12-01T07:28:00.000-08:00

So why is there an Eggo shortage?
Number one, there is no egg shortage.
And there is no "O" shortage.
See here? oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

There's plenty more where those came from too.

Friday I'm in Love

2009-11-13T06:11:00.000-08:00

I really enjoy David Gray and this cover of The Cure's classic is really great. Enjoy your Friday! If you're listening at work, he drops the F-bomb at about 2:30. Just FYI.

This is Sportscenter

2009-11-12T19:13:00.000-08:00

I love ESPN. I love it like those people who rock Tony Stewart (or whoever the hell) flags in front of their house love NASCAR. One of the great things about ESPN are their commercials for Sportcenter. They typically feature a noteworthy athlete at ESPN studios doing something either ridiculous or mundane. And it's usually awesome.

This one features Drew Brees of the New Orleans Saints.

Nightswimming/Find the River

2009-11-06T19:15:00.001-08:00

R.E.M. released Automatic For The People shortly after I graduated high school. I was moody and melancholy and fell in love with it right away; it really seemed to fit me. As I became less moody and melancholy, my affection for this record hasn't waned; it's still in my top five, maybe even still numero uno. I've been loving it for a long time.

A great record should have a great closing song. I like them to be just as strong as the beginning of the record, but in a different way. I like for the styles, the tempo, and the delivery to all be different. This record has two great closers. The first song is the hug from that person you had the crush on. The person's touch that you looked forward to because you weren't sure if you were ever going to get the kiss you really wanted. You always lingered with that one at the end of the night. It was just a hug, but still a bit euphoric. Now imagine there's a kiss that comes after. Surprising and a bit overwhelming, but damn if that wasn't the greatest moment of your life. That's song two.

I've really built both of these songs up, and maybe you're imagining me needing a cigarette every time I come to the end of this album. However, I assure you that time spent listening to these tracks is time well spent. The first is called "Nightswimming," and the video below is the one that I found that wasn't live and had the best audio. The slide show isn't bad and isn't great but doesn't distract from the listening experience.

The second is called "Find the River." The video I found is from a live performance, but is of fairly good quality. I hope you enjoy both!

2009-11-06T06:45:00.000-08:00

Yay Beerorkid!

We're a Nielsen family!

2009-10-28T10:52:00.000-07:00

So it looks like Steve and I will both be Nielsen households in the next month. That means we'll be indirectly influencing what you'll be watching in the future.

Mwahahahahahahaha!

Iowa State 9, Nebraska 7, Me Tarzan, You Jane

2009-10-25T12:01:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I think things through for a while before opening my mouth. This ain't really one of those times.

After watching the Huskers play Iowa State yesterday, I really don't have an opinion about whether Lee should be starting or whether Shawn Watson should be running the Maryland I. However, I do think that if you're going to be as unwatchable as they were yesterday, someone really needs to condense the broadcast down to five or so minutes. Check out the youtube highlights of the game below:

Isn't that a lot better than having to sit around for THREE HOURS in order to find out we had eight turnovers?

Don't get me wrong, I'm not anti-turnover. Heck, a couple of the turnovers yesterday were downright innovative. If grant funding happens to be available to study new ways of turning the ball over in horrible spots on the field, I think our grant application speaks for itself.

Happy Friday

2009-04-24T05:33:00.000-07:00

Texas Tech's players take a leak after taking it to the house.

Via Bootleggersports.com

White Noise

2009-03-05T18:34:00.000-08:00

We started off having Mena listen to a white noise CD when she was sleeping. After that, she graduated to a CD of lullabies. This album was perfectly fine. My wife brought home a new-agey CD from the daycare where she works, which was acceptable also. It was a mixture of music and nature sounds. Naturally, our five-month-old daughter woke each day ready to camp or shoot wolves from a helicopter as it was making her pretty outdoorsy. At least, I am imagining it was.

A couple of days ago the CD player in her bedroom started making an ack-ack-ack noise and wouldn't read discs. Had it not been a CD player but a '73 Dodge Duster instead, I'd have blamed the solenoid, the starter, or both.

It was then that I decided to try the local NPR affiliate. It works just fine for her to sleep to, and I'm actually more than a little happy in a nerdy sort of way. While other people's kids are listening to dumbass children's music, my kid is listening to classical fucking music all night long and getting caught up on current events when Morning Edition comes on.

Hell yeah.

Why don't you poke me sometime?

2009-02-27T13:42:00.001-08:00

Funny!

I for one welcome our robot overlords

2009-02-23T06:26:00.000-08:00

Courtesy of Punkerinos!

I love this song - Enjoy

2009-01-29T06:27:00.000-08:00

Allison Moorer "A Soft Place to Fall"

This just in....

2008-12-31T14:54:00.000-08:00

Big XII football kind of sucks.

The PGA thinks that John Daly is damaging their reputation. Cue it:

Happy Thanksgiving

2008-11-27T06:41:00.000-08:00

Bob Dylan - Love Minus Zero/No Limit

I love all of the activity going on in the room while they're filming.

LOL

2008-11-18T06:54:00.000-08:00

From here:

It'd be cynical to call web comments the web's Porta-Potty; especially since most toilets get professionally cleaned.

Happy Halloween

2008-08-23T21:00:00.000-07:00

Letters to Mena, Vol. 3

Dear Mena,

This morning I went to coffee with my friend and our pastor Melissa and tried to figure out some church stuff. I think she's wanting to get it resolved or partially resolved before you're born. I'm not sure it will happen, church stuff moves mighty slow.

I came home around noon and your mom and I worked feverishly, well kind of feverishly, in putting your room together. It was really just last minute details that we were working on, things like putting your stroller and bassinet together. For whatever reason, your mom and I worked together like we haven't in years. Her reading the instructions and me asking, "What? Put what thing in what thingamajig?." We got it worked out, and the house is pretty much ready for you. There was an electricity in the air today for whatever reason, and we were both determined to make all of the final adjustments to our home in order to prepare for your descent into our lives.

Something interesting came up tonight. As you may be less than two months old when the time comes, I asked your mother if we were going to dress you up in a Halloween costume this October. She said that she had planned on it. Halloween is a holiday where people give you candy. You won't have teeth. Let this letter be a record that shows you'll probably be in costume this October 31st and that we fully intend to use that to our advantage to score your candy.

I think you're understanding everything alright. We won't have any candy of our own and will be stealing yours this year. You're right, life isn't fair.

Thanks in advance anyway,

Dad

Oh jeez, kid. You're really in for it.

2008-06-27T20:12:00.000-07:00

Letters to Mena, vol. 1

Dear Mena,

With two months left to go until you leave the uterus, you're pretty much under your mom's influence right now. Oh sure, you may hear me speak in the mornings and evenings or you may hear Emmy Lou bark, but for the most part it's you and your mother. I'd like to apologize right now for her taste in modern, popular country music. I intend to broaden your musical palette when I have more say in the matter, but this is really out of my control for a while. If you ever develop a strange affinity for Kenny Chesney you will know the reason why.

As your dad, I feel I should let you know how totally unprepared I am for this. As I say that I realize that you're pretty much unprepared for everything that will happen to you in this life as well. Sorry about that. One of the ground rules to life seems to be that you get the test first and the lesson second. It may sound unfair, but it's really not so bad most of the time. I'm going to try to look like I know what I'm doing most of the time, but know that I'm probably making it up as I go.

One of these days I hope that you're in my position with all kinds of different wonders about a life that you've had a hand in creating. I don't have a mountain of expectations for you. I have no clue what to expect at all. I know that you're only going to head one way through life, and that's your way. I'm cool with that; I'm looking forward to it.

We're getting our house ready for your big "arrival," although you've been here the entire time. Your mom and I have been seeing a doula and she's been full of advice about how to make carrying you around a little bit more comfortable. We have a couple more months and a couple more baby showers and you'll be here.

2008 has been an odd year. It's been full of wonderful excitement as we prepare for you and also some sadness as I've mourned the loss of a couple of friends. I was especially close to Jeanne, and she was very much looking forward to meeting you. It was not to be. In your life you will meet a few people who live without fear of regret, and live to savor what this world has to offer. They yearn to be involved in their communities, care for strays, read books, and enjoy good food and drinks with friends. Draw yourself close to these people, Mena, and enjoy them for all they are. They are the people that leave the biggest impression.

Stay well inside your mother's tummy and know that as you grow, our love for you also grows.

Until next time,

Dad

Elvis Costello

2008-05-23T07:35:00.000-07:00

Last night at band practice, we were talking about what a great singer Elvis Costello has become and still is. Check this out:

Free music for y'all

2008-03-24T08:56:00.000-07:00

Pat is a wonderful musician and songwriter from Lincoln, Nebraska who has just released a solo album on Mr. Furious Records.

Download it here. You'll be glad you did. Download a whole mess of stuff over on that site while you're at it.

Very interesting...

2008-03-22T08:58:00.000-07:00

This, this, and this.

"Even though her campaign staff is having more fun than it has for a long time, there’s hardly anyone there who, given half a chance, wouldn’t slit Mark Penn’s throat — and such internal dissension won’t help her in the home stretch."

Last night...

2008-03-19T08:09:00.000-07:00

With my wife's pregnancy she's been having a little bit of back pain at night and bought what's called a snoogle to help her stay on her side. Here's what they look like:

Last night I came to bed at around 11:00. As I was getting ready for bed, my wife was engaged in a full-on struggle trying to free herself from the snoogle. She had the pillow against her back like the top picture and had to work a bit to free herself so she could use the bathroom. She came back to bed and said that when she woke up, she couldn't figure out why she was stuck in the middle of a letter c.

Was Jefferson a heretic or a believer? Yes.

2008-03-15T06:56:00.000-07:00

The founder of Beliefnet.com, Steven Waldman, has published a new book called Founding Faith. It promises to be fairly interesting, especially to those who consider ours a nation founded on the teachings of the Bible. Beliefnet offers an excerpt from the book concerning Thomas Jefferson, and it led me to wonder if there would be any possible way that Jefferson would be elected to any public office today.

Sadly, his candidacy wouldn't have a snowball's chance. Those who are upset over lapel pins and which church our candidates belong to would be choking on their communion wafers if they were to read anything written by this founding father. His beliefs (like most of ours) are complex. He edited the Bible (with a razor) to remove the miracles of Jesus, he called the Trinity "mere Abracadabra of the mountebanks calling themselves the priests of Jesus," and said that, "Calvinism has introduced into the Christian religion more new absurdities than its leader [Jesus] had purged it of old ones." He went on to say regarding what he called "the insanities of Calvin" that the, "strait jacket alone was their proper remedy."

Wow. Imagine the Evangelicals receiving that mailer in their postbox. And then imagine James Dobson's response.

Yet Waldman also provides a look at a person whose reason led him to faith in Christ and God. It's fair to say that he was anti-religion and pro-God. Some of the quotes Waldman has provided suggest Jefferson was someone who may have believed in Intelligent Design. He saw what he viewed as a complex interconnectedness in the universe and viewed that as a work of Divine Providence. However, it's important to remember that throughout his life, more than any religious view he may have held, Jefferson stressed the importance of reason and study (i.e. I'm sure he'd be dead-set against those who'd like to introduce Intelligent Design in a public high school biology class and would have fought back). Take that, Ben Stein.

I find it difficult not to cheer for Thomas Jefferson as a champion of liberty, religious freedom, and rational thinking. I also find his participation in the horror of slavery contradictory to those values and depressing. That's important. It would be good to take the entire lives of our founding individuals and historical religious and philosophical figures into account as we study and judge them and their ideas. We need to hold them, their views, and the circumstances of their life and times up for study and scrutiny in order to gain a true sense of who they were as they've helped shape who we are. By the way he studied the Bible, Christianity's history, and the teachings of Jesus, I think Thomas Jefferson understood and practiced this.

It may be one of the things about him that I admire most.

2008-03-06T13:52:00.000-08:00

(h/t beerorkid)

Rocking out and recovering

2008-03-01T08:14:00.000-08:00

I had just a mild hangover this morning, nothing too big. One of the best feelings in the world is that hour or so when you're moving past the hangover. You're drinking coffee, eating breakfast, and moving on with your day. I didn't even drink all that much. Ah, life.

Last night I got together with Medium Walter for my second time. It's a band composed of several people from Lincoln's music scene working on blues tunes that one of us has written. Most are written by Honeyboy Turner, formerly of Honey Stump. We've all shared the stage at some point, either for one-off shows and songs or in regular gigging bands. It's raw, loud, and unpolished, which is exactly how we hoped it would turn out.

I'm working through the much-read 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey. I've never thought of myself as a really high effective model. I've wondered which motivational speaker I'll need to hire to coach me through things like changing diapers and getting my kid to change their underwear. When he or she is 18. That's the point where I figure that a child's underwear is his or her own responsibility, and there's not a whole lot I can do besides beg and plead and talk about how embarrassed I am for them and will they please cut it out.

There's nothing like expecting a baby to make you dive headfirst into self evaluation, wondering what kind of person you really are and have you been leaving little bits of your emotional maturity at each apartment when you moved back in your 20s. It's no wonder that I rarely got my full deposit back. That and "carpet cleaning."

Fuckers.

I digress. So I start to think that I only have around 6 months to start shaping myself up. It's probably similar to what some people feel in anticipation of their high school reunion. Except that I really have to go and I'm looking forward to it. I start to think about the relationship that I'm to build and the impression that I'm going to leave. I start to wonder what the kid is going to think of me at different points in his or her life.

Looking back at my feelings toward my own inexplicably absent father throughout my life isn't pretty. Everyone makes mistakes in their interpersonal relationships, yet some people keep making the same moves again and again. They snowball, those unfulfilled promises and no-shows do. Again and again I've wondered about establishing a relationship after the occasional phone call I've received from him. There's a fear of that rejection and of what I really don't know about him that undermines my willingness to take steps to reconcile. The thing that I really don't know about him, after my 33 years, is how he sees me. That's what I fear. Hopefully my child will never know that anxiety.

I'm off to help my buddy install an entry door in his house. Wish us luck that we don't wind up in the hospital.

Woo Hoo!!!

2008-02-25T07:45:00.001-08:00

Fearing an end to waterboarding, endless executive secrecy, no-bid contracts handed out to administration cronies, and a fiscal policy that favors multi-national corporations, Ralph Nader has decided to once again run for the highest office in the land. Among his campaign promises, the impeachment of George W. Bush and Dick Cheney. Hopefully he gets started on that right after he takes his oath of office. In my opinion, it's vital that Mr. Nader ensures that George W. Bush is no longer president within his first 100 days in office.

Voting for Ralph Nader is one sure way to give George W. Bush a third term in the guise of John McCain. Perhaps we can all vote for Ralph Nader and see how effectively he actually can run things.

A whole lotta good things goin' on

2008-01-30T19:31:00.000-08:00

Today the wife and I went to our first official appointment with her physician since she's been pregnant. She's a great woman who listens and gets folks to talkin'. She also is a wonderful teacher who is more than happy to answer any question one might have should they be fixin' to make a baby. We're fixin' to have ours in September around Labor Day. Everything is going just fine so far, and we got to hear the baby's heartbeat through the doctor's little transistor radio. Pretty dang cool. I had a transistor radio when I was a kid and I was lucky that it picked up "We Built This City" by Starship on KFRX. The 1980s in Lincoln, Nebraska summed up in two words: Fucking Awesome.

I kind of wonder about having a kid on Labor Day, should that happen. I mean, I'm lazy enough as it is so the poor kid's going to have genetics working against him/her. THEN there will be the added factor of being born on a holiday that celebrates chilling out, eating hamburgers, and having a few beers. I'm afraid we'll have to hire a motivational speaker to get this kid to change his underwear. As a high school graduation present.

Not everyone knows, but we've been presented with a fairly sweet real estate opportunity. This would involve selling our current house, which I thought we had no chance in hell of doing. I was wrong and we got an offer today. A reasonable one. The nursing home down the street from me would eventually like to replace the block that I live on with assisted living townhouses (I think). While it would involve losing three 1920s era bungalows, it would provide a nice neighborhood with more stability as all but three of the homes on my block are rentals. Anyway, color me effin' stoked. I'm knocking on wood and crossing my fingers that this continues to go through.

My current home has been good to us, albeit something of a fixer-upper. I've learned a lot about myself in the last couple of years and chief among those things is the fact that I am the farthest thing from a handy man. My strengths include: hugging, cooking, playing guitar (thanks to everyone that came out to the Zoo Bar last night!), and drinking crappy alcohol. This in no way qualifies me to weld pipe for a new toilet and actually kind of scared the shit out of me. Thank God for father in laws.

Here's to not having the shit scared out of me while installing a new toilet. Cheers!