Sometimes at the end of a relationship, we have to put whatever we've been holding onto down and step away. That thing, that interaction, that love for someone that once brought out the best in us now brings out our worst behavior. Where once lived generosity, compassion, kindness, sweetness, safety, and security, there is now hostility, insecurity, jealousy, instability, and hurt. Oh, the hurt. It makes you say things and do things that you never thought were possible. Yet, here you are, saying them and doing them.
You start to wonder if there is some kind of breakdown coming and how far out on the pier you'll go. Heartbreak can feel like madness. It can't be numbed with drugs or alcohol, those things only make things worse. Trust me, I know.
We can continue to obsess about what we should have done differently. As we lie still in our beds, we can wonder if we'll ever feel them next to us again, not as it is now, but how it was when things were good. When time stopped and being together was amazing.
Conor Oberst has a great line that I think about often - "life is how it is, not how it was." If you don't like who you are in a relationship, if it makes you feel "less than," lonely, insecure, and causes you hurt in a way that's not typical for you, it's time to get out. Some situations are just bad for you and some people are just bad for you.